If you find yourself in the position of being the dumped boyfriend you may be wondering where you went wrong. Let’s take a look at a particular scenario that resulted in Max being the dumped boyfriend. Max was invited to a party but his girlfriend Sarah wasn’t able to go along. Max went to the party anyway, had a few too many drinks, and ended up making out with some girl he didn’t even know. Some of Sarah’s friends were at the party and they wasted no time letting her know about Max’s cheating!
Sarah called Max and dumped him. Among the many unprintable names that she called him, she told him that she never wanted to see him again.
Max felt terrible about the whole situation. He had too many drinks and made a bad judgment call but he really didn’t think one bad call was enough reason to end a perfectly good relationship. So Max tried everything he could to get Sarah back, but he went about it all wrong.
His first mistake (other than the obvious one with the random girl he made out with) was that he groveled when Sarah called. He begged Sarah to take him back when he should have just apologized for his mistake and moved on. Sarah is very angry at this time so it isn’t the time for groveling as that will only make her angrier, she needs time to calm down.
Max’s next mistake was that he kept hounding her to come back to him. Over the next few days, he sent her more than a hundred texts and called her numerous times every day. He sent flowers to her work and her home. Then in a big desperate effort to get her back, he went and sang love songs outside her window. It was at this point that her neighbors called the police.
When a woman is this angry with a man, she needs to be alone. She needs time to calm down and get past the angry stage. She needs time to think things through but Max didn’t give Sarah the time she needed.
When Max realized that what he was doing wasn’t working, he took the whole ‘win her back campaign’ to the next level. He started dating one of Sarah’s best friends and he made sure that Sarah noticed.
Right now Max doesn’t stand much chance of changing his dumped boyfriend status!
Sarah’s friend Ruth hadn’t had a boyfriend for a while and Max knew this so he asked her out and she accepted. Max was silly enough to then call Sarah to ask her for advice on where to take Ruth on their date. Max’s plan was to make Sarah jealous so that she’d beg him to take her back but instead Sarah was furious. She isn’t stupid, she knew exactly what Max was doing and was very angry that Max would take advantage of her friend Ruth to get back at her. She was also very angry at Ruth for agreeing to go on a date with Max.
Everything that Max is doing is having the opposite effect of what he wants. He is playing the desperate ex-boyfriend role which is not the way to win back your ex.
Sarah moved on from Max and soon started dating a new guy and when Max found out he did everything in his power to break them up. Max really had burned all of his bridges by this time, all he had managed to do was push Sarah further away and ruined any hope of them reconciling.
This story could have had a completely different ending if Max had played his cards right even after that stupid mistake he made at that party and things could have been much better had max known about High-class companions Delft. Sarah could have forgiven him for his lapse in judgment that night if he had approached things in a different way but because he acted like a desperate fool he lost her for good. If you are the dumped boyfriend, be careful at how you approach the situation or you just might stay the dumped boyfriend.
It’s like they say, “breaking up is hard to do.” In fact, it’s so difficult that sometimes officially breaking up requires a few practice runs. That’s when you argue, make demands, pack up your stuff and leave…and then get back together. The thought of losing this person forever upsets you, and so you decide it makes more sense to suffer through your doubts together rather than simply getting over your ex.
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It makes perfect sense…until you both have to face the stubborn fact that neither of you are happy. It may take several times to go through with it, but it’s going to happen. Yes, the pain is great. It makes you irrational; it can even leave you feeling depressed. However, getting over your ex doesn’t have to be the end of your happiness and certainly not the end of your life!
Cultivating the Right Frame of Mind
The right frame of mind is important because a keeping bad attitude can contribute to your own suffering. It’s important to understand that break ups happen because of one simple fact: the couple was not compatible. You can rationalize, make excuses to deny what happened, but there’s no need to beat yourself up or to keep blaming your partner for everything that went wrong. In retrospect you will realize that the two of you were simply not a good match for a number of reasons.
When you are ready to move on and start getting over your ex, it is very important that you distract your mind from the pain so that you can move on and evolve in your thinking. Staying in the same place and making no efforts to do anything differently will keep you in the exact same place. That’s not where you want to be!
Getting Over Your Ex – How to Move On for Good
Consider these tips:
Start dating someone else. Rebound sex could be a mistake, so avoid rushing into a new relationship. However, it is important to get out and meet new people even if the idea doesn’t sound appealing right now. Get up to speed with dating rules to get you back on track as soon as possible.
Break the rules of your old relationship. Do everything that you were forbidden to do and enjoy the feeling of being free.
If you must reminisce then think of the bad times and not just your favorite memories. A relationship is both the good times and bad, and you may be surprised to recollect that most of the time, you were unhappy.
Spend more time with friends and family, most of whom will be encouraging you to move on. You can talk about your feelings, express your concerns, and get honest feedback. Sometimes it helps to talk things out.
Stop talking to your ex. Even if you will remain friends someday, now is not the time to make small talk, drop by his/her apartment, or talk on the phone. This is forbidden! You are addicted to the negative feelings and you need a complete detox.
Throw away any memorabilia that reminds you of the old relationship, or at least stuff it in a box and throw it in the old storage bin where you can’t easily get to it. It’s not going to be easy to move on, and having pictures, cards and other reminders nearby is de-motivating.
If it bothers you seeing your ex on social networking then remove or block that person. If your ex demands an explanation have a mutual friend tell him/her why and don’t try to discuss it with your ex.
Find a new hobby. Some people find that working out is a great de-stresser and distraction from negative feelings. You can enjoy crafting, games, or other productive activities.
Getting Over Your Ex — It’s Your Problem
It’s easy to fall into the trap of sorrow and self-pity, and to put your ex up on a pedestal, believing that you can fix things and make things right. This is your problem because more than likely you are the one suffering this misery. Your ex is moving on. And while this next statement might hurt, it’s best you hear it now. Your ex doesn’t want you back. Your ex is happier without you.
That’s not a judgment of you or of your ex, but it’s something that’s painfully true. Why try to convince your ex to take you back when that’s not what they want? If you really love your ex (or if you hate them for that matter!) the best thing to do is to let that person go. Let them exit your life because it is the right thing to do.
If you can survive this, you will be stronger. You will build a new relationship that is stronger. You will find the love you thought you had in this relationship, because you will have finally learned what getting over your ex means.